bad morning.

today has not started off the way i would have liked. i got up early, left the house at a respectable 6am to workout, drive across town and no freaking access card. i put it in my purse. didn't use my purse, so why isn't it in there??? no idea, so i try to make the best of things, i go walking at mcneese and already i am whining to God. yes i shed tears bc my card wasn't in my purse. why wouldn't i? it's one of the few things that i do, that i love! i planned, i prepared, i put my clothes out the night before. i grabbed my water bottle and my towel and still things couldn't go the way i wanted them to. ouch that hurts.

I am home by 7:30am, still plenty of time for me to turn out that paper due for my class this a.m.

i try to login to blackboard through msu's website and i can't get the site to work. i have tried off and on all night, finally i figure out a way to access blackboard without going through msu. YAY i still have time, i can still do this...

oh goodie, the extra meeting I had with a prof yesterday to MAKE SURE I was enrolled in BB was useless bc it didn't work. so there is no possible way i can do my homework or print out the 20+ pages or so i need today for class.

this is one of those mornings where i totally want to be irresponsible and tell mcneese to shove their freaking degree and certification. i am so tired of battling that place and i know God has allowed me to linger there forever so i can learn patience and to abide in him. but have you ever been at that point where you think "i just can't stand it another day." i hate it all, i hate boring 3 hour classes, i hate the parking, i hate busy work, i hate that they spend $8million on the jocks new workout place or whatever and i can't freaking login to a system that i need to be able to do my HOMEWORK. i hate paying outrageous fees, i hate having to email 4 different ppl to get one answer! i try NOT to hate it, I try NOT to complain about it, but I HATE THAT PLACE and I want to just YELL it at someone, or something. but even if i did, nothing will ever change.

father god, i am all messed up inside this morning and i don't want to be. i don't want to be frustrated, i don't want to feel like this. i don't want to care if I fail this class. and i don't want to feel crappy bc i am whining about working out and mcneese, when i know there are far worse things in this world, i want to not care about worldly things. i feel like i've given up so much, can you please just show me favor here? can u please just change my heart? please...